On Hope and Dreams...

"Never expect! Only hope! Only hoping best for you. That's not wrong, to hope..."

Thank God for Amy Tan's Joy Luck Club, I've used these words against my mom many of times. I used to think this neatly and succinctly explained everything about my upbringing: why we were pushed hard as kids, why we were taught to be grateful for what we were given, why I had to practice piano for hours a day when there was Nintendo Contra to be played. It was like the grand unifying theory that physicists search for; the overarching thesis you use in your Chinese Anthropology class (i.e. the reason why China is backwards is because China is full of crazy Chinese people). However, now as I'm older - I'm beginning to see the effects of the "boomerang" theory; that it all comes back to you and that you don't deviate far from the line your parents have drawn, and yes, "crazy Chinese" is a genetic trait.

I have two cousins visiting - polar opposites and arguably, some of our favorites (if we had them - which, since we're communist, we don't). I look at both of them and only want the best for them - you want them to aim high and achieve higher. You want to shield them from all the crap you went through by dropping little "life lessons"; obviously, in a cool way - not the "when I was your age..." b/s lectures that your parents gave you growing up. Then you realize, crap - you are your parents - and that ultimately, you'll eventually have to temper your extraordinary expectations and that they'll still make the same stupid mistakes that you made as a young adult. Clearly, no matter how much you'll make the case that life isn't as different as they think it is, they'll argue back that it not the same this time around. You may be "wise" but they're "smart".

And so, through this all - no matter what my hopes and dreams are for them, I realize that all I'm doing is ultimately completing the circle - of only hoping for the best, the same way my parents did. Of course, that's not wrong, to hope...

W.R. Grace - Reloaded

Well, W.R. Grace - as mentioned in this post, has exited Ch. 11 with equity left over for shareholders. Here's the press release. Just add this to the list of shoulda', woulda', and coulda's. It's interesting, around the time when I was buying shares of USG, I also considered buying shares of GRA, however - I opted to purchase shares of Armstrong (ACKHQ). ACKHQ went from about $1 to $4, then subsequently became worthless (I think I made a little or lost a little). A couple other companies during that time also set up 524gs: SEE, HAL, X, and ABB. I'm not griping about the way I played the asbestos game, but had I been a smart man - I would've diversified my portfolio across a whole bunch of asbestos laden companies instead of betting it all on black. In retrospect, although I ended up benefiting disproportionally, I don't feel especially smart about it.

Let me just add that my "bear market" position in my portfolio is underwater, showing that I can't trade worth a damn.